My Question to the Mad Scientist

Life is this elaborately designed sick experiment. I mean just look at it. You create a bunch of different people then throw them into an unknown environment with absolutely no guidance. At first it’s learning through trial and error. Error in this sense could end your life before you even get to know what life is. Eventually you adapt well enough and all the stuff that was once a major problem like being eaten by bears are now problems of the past. But it doesn’t stop there. Now that you’ve mitigated all the natural problems it’s time to create your own. It’s time to create machines that destroy and deplete the scarce resources you need in order to survive. It’s time to think that you’re better than another person because of the colour of their skin, thus transporting you to a realm where hatred is all that you know. And it’s time to come to the realization that all of this doesn’t matter because we’ll be dead soon and this will have been for nothing. My question to the mad scientist is a simple one and it may even be the most asked one. Why? Why did you design this experiment? Was it for sheer amusement? Is it a school project? Or are you just as dark and demented as I fear I am? My question may never be answered, and I’m well aware of that but I nevertheless ask in hopes that you’ll pity me enough to provide me with a response. If the objective of your experiment was to drive me mad, you’ve succeeded. If it wasn’t then help me because… because what? You don’t owe me anything do you?

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Just Another Guy Who Hates His Office Job (part1)

I don’t give a fuck about anything that happens in this office. It’s not because the work is too hard or some of the people are made for the role of torturers in Dante’s Inferno. It’s because I find it all meaningless. There is no purpose I can see for the different tasks I perform on a daily basis. It’s not just my role that I see as useless though. What are we doing with eight hours of our lives five days of the week? Running to meetings and treating cellphone conversations with more importance than face to face ones, what’s the point of it all. Not one of us does anything tangible unless someone has somehow found a way to touch the wasted time spent staring at my computer screen. The work I do doesn’t teach me anything nor does it challenge my problem solving capabilities, what it mainly does is annoy the shit out of me. Problems that could easily be avoided or solved by sixth grade children, grunt work that somehow seems like rocket science to people who spent millions of dollars on college education. You’re seriously telling me that you spent all those years in college and a binding machine looks like a time machine to you? Personally I’d ask for my money back but that’s just me. Missing document on a file and people have meltdowns as if they just got news that their husband was caught fucking a dog while being fucked by another dog and it’s now a viral video. Does a missing document really warrant all that exaggeration or is it just a show for the boss? I’m not made for office work, not because I feel entitled to promotions and raises but simply because I will never see the importance of any work that is done in said office. I’ll admit it, I fucked up. I asked for it and now I’m suffering because I didn’t know myself well enough to see that working in an office would never be my cup of tea. While I’m here though I’ll just publicly write about my torture as a reminder for the future. This will hopefully ensure that I never ever EVER subject myself to this type of work again. EVER!!!

Happiness Lies in the Present

Have you ever thought about this? I know you’ve thought about happiness like any other person. After all it’s the elusive unicorn we’re all trying to find but have you ever thought that you already have it in the moment you’re in right now. Honestly maybe that statement is a load of shit. What if you’re being sexually abused by a loved one or you’re so poor that you have sleep for dinner five days a week, that’s fucked up and there’s no happiness in that present. If you are going through something as severe as that I’m sorry you have to experience that and I want you to fight back with everything you have no matter how small. I came across this idea while I was reading The Alchemist, it’s a great book so far. I hope to have a love like the one the boy has for Fatima one day, his feelings for her were beautifully described. The day I read it I thought of all the torture I subject myself to on an almost daily basis through dissecting all the mistakes I’ve made in the past and worrying about my future. I’m sure you know what that’s like, one moment you’re either happy or content the next you’re flung into a miserable state of depression for the rest of the day. This happens to me a lot. I walked home that day after work still pondering the idea that happiness lies in the present moment and something simple yet incredible happened. I noticed the beauty of the blue sky, it’s clouds and the golden hour sunset. I take the same route home everyday and I never noticed it before. I felt calm and present. Absolutely no thoughts of the past or the future. Only a child like gaze in awe of what I was seeing. Most importantly I was happy and remained happy for the rest of the day because I reminded myself of the experience I had. I can’t tell you to always be present and enjoy the moment because I don’t think I can do that and I believe there is value in being able to reflect on the past or dream of the future. But I can tell you that every once in a while the present can and will be the best place to be. It’s up to you to decide when to make it your sole focus. There is happiness in the present, trust me I’ve seen it and I NEED you to see it as well.

What story are you telling yourself?

Stories are our driving force. They help us, uplift us, destroy us and lead us down terrible paths depending on the story. What we fail to realize however is that we control these stories, I have failed in this respect as well. My story has changed many times over the past months and it seems it’s about to change once more. I recently convinced myself that the suit and tie life was what I should be doing in life. Wake up, dress up, go to the office, dedicate myself to the job, go above and beyond then repeat. I thought this was the best way to solve the one problem that I’ve wanted to fix for probably a decade now. MONEY. All my life I’ve seen what the lack of money has done to the people I care about, I’ve seen what it’s like to do back breaking work for a week just so you can spend the meager salary on expenses as you receive it. No hope for improvement is what it is. No hope for a better life. When you grow up in a house smaller than classrooms you’ve been in and you often sit in class thinking about that FACT money becomes an obsession. For a long time my story was you don’t have money so never stop obsessing about it until you have it. This story made my life hell, I was a depressed wreck a lot of the time. All because I didn’t have money. Recently I changed that story and learned that maybe there is happiness to be had without money, maybe I don’t need to be chasing this thing that always escapes my grasp as soon as I get it. This made me content for a while but my original story was always there deep down waiting to erupt. Just waiting for that thing that would trigger the avalanche. I find it funny that the thing was a little book. I read a book and before I even reached the second chapter everything came back to me. In this second phase of my obsession with money I no longer consider myself a demon for wanting to acquire riches and I no longer see temporary defeat as the end of the world. This is great, yeah! I’m a little less fucked up, good for me. My issue isn’t with the return of my obsession however like I said I’m done demonizing myself for it, my issue is with the way I convinced myself of how I should acquire it. A ten year plan that would have sent me off on a path I would most definitely regret for the rest of my life. I can’t be an office guy but I told myself a story that made me believe it was the only way. This story was going to be my destruction. How dramatic, a life where you make a living through working. The thing is it’s the type of work. This work is completely against my nature, I can never be happy doing it but my story told me otherwise. We are all storytellers. We tell stories of truth and lies. To others and more importantly to ourselves. All I want you to do is look at the story you’re telling yourself. Actually take some time to analyze it, pick it a part, find out if it’s actually the write story for you. If you don’t you will be giving your happiness away for absolutely nothing like I think I almost did. And if you find out that it’s not for you then change it. It might take a long time or it might not but you owe it to yourself to do something with the knowledge. To all of you who have already found the right story that’s fucking amazing, I’m happy for you. But for the rest of us, for the rest of us just never give up. I haven’t learnt a lot in  my life but one thing I have picked up is that persistence will always beat the shit out of life and all it’s shitty challenges.

My World is Black and White, Sadly

Making a man a slave is the worst crime that has ever been committed. Not because it is more gruesome than any other crime, it’s because it can and has been used as the vehicle to justify many cruel actions. When we were taught about slavery in school it wasn’t as informed as it should have been. The time spent on the topic was short, a topic that has shaped how we live hundreds of years later was only discussed for two weeks maximum. A topic that speaks about our history, our adversities and our strength. We were shielded from the atrocities that happened, the beatings, rape, separation from family and all the other brutal punishments my teachers neglected to inform me of. Maybe it’s a good thing, maybe our minds were not ready for such images to be burned into our brains for life. Or maybe it’s exactly what we needed to ensure we knew our history and appreciated every thing we are blessed to have no matter how small it may seem. What was that white man thinking when he first thought that he was a superior being to the black man in Africa? That it was his right to subject that man to a life filled with torture. I can’t answer that but I can admit that knowing what he did has impacted my life and thousands of other lives. This knowledge lead to the need for a Civil Rights Movement. White people who were no better than their ancestors from the “old” days of slavery thinking their new slavery was acceptable. But they weren’t the only ones with this knowledge, this knowledge was also in the minds of strong intelligent black men who knew their people deserved better. They deserved to walk to school in peace, to ride a bus without fear and to exist as human beings and treated as such.

We’ve grown so accustomed to seeing or hearing that a black man was wrongfully shot by the police that for most of us our actions have been reduced to a hashtag and clicking like under a Black Lives Matter post. I am aware that there are people like Rebellesword’s who will stand up for us to the point of risking their own lives but it’s like nobody is listening. The world is divided in many ways but the biggest and oldest division is that of race. Even today white men believe no black man is good enough for his daughter and black men relish the opportunity to exact their revenge on innocent white girls. Recently we learned that the “old” slavery still happens today in Libya. The story told by Victory a man of just 21 will stay with me for as long as I live. I despise crying and speak proudly of the fact that I rarely cry, as I sit here thinking about the pain I saw in his eyes as he told the reporter that he spent his entire life savings to try to get to Europe only to be thrown into slavery I’m very close to tears. He could barely say the words as he was overwhelmed with pain. Then my grief quickly turns to anger. Who the fuck are you to think that you have the right to do that to somebody. To beat them, shock them, rape them, you deserve to die. I hate that I wish for your death but I do. And that is the reason for my writing, the reason for the title of this post.

I hate that I see the world as black vs white. Us vs them. The things I’ve seen affect my mindset. Seeing a man with my complexion beaten to the ground by multiple police officers has made me hate those officers. Seeing a young boy killed by a man who suspects him of doing wrong simply because he is black makes me hate that man and the courts that set him free after committing such an act. Reading about the big companies that exploit Africa and its people for natural resources makes me want to fly to Africa and burn those companies to the ground. I’m not saying all white people are bad or I hate all of them because I don’t. There are people who for whatever reason see it as a good thing to leave the comfort of their homes and fly to a foreign country to help complete strangers have a better life. People who are willing to adopt a starving child, bring that child to their home and give them a chance at surviving. This is great but I have to keep in mind what Muhammad Ali said, if ten thousand rattle snakes are coming toward me and I have a door I can shut to stop them but one thousand meant right, I knew they were good, should I let all the snakes come in and hope that the one thousand get together and form a shield or should I close the door and stay safe? I don’t have the solution that will end racism, I don’t proclaim that my way of thinking is right. I can only say what I’ve seen and what I have seen is separation. Black and white no room for gray. I wonder if the philosophy of Marcus Garvey is the right way. Europe for the white man, Asia for the yellow man and Africa for the black man. He may be right but I doubt it’s that simple.

The Right Time is ALWAYS NOW!

The right time is an excuse we’ve all used at one point or another in our lives. We wait for the right time to start our business, the right time to quit that job we hate, the right time to tell that crush we’ve been fawning over them for months but it sometimes never comes. Why are we so convinced that waiting for the ideal situation to present itself is the best way to get what we desire in our lives? My theory is it’s not as scary as doing it now, shipping the task off to the unknown future is far more convenient for our peace of mind. What emotional wrecks we’d be if we had to do all the things we put off for the right time now? I know I would be. Just the other day I saw the cutest girl I’ve ever seen in my life and in true introverted fashion I didn’t say a single word to her. What if I had to talk to her at that specific moment? It would be a disaster. Instead I said to myself “I’ll wait until we leave the building,” I knew it was unlikely that I’d see her outside ( I didn’t) but I some how managed to convince myself that it was my best strategy. Waiting for the right time has done nothing but cause me and us to miss numerous opportunities that could have provided great value.

I wonder what my life would be like if I never waited for the right time, if I executed my ideas and thoughts as they came to me. I would probably have tons of practice talking to girls and hopefully become half decent at it. I would have attended more social gatherings. Spoken up for myself in conflicts.  My life could have been completely different if I never told myself wait until the right time comes. I’m no expert at executing my thoughts as they come to me but I have realized the importance of it. Nobody is going to give me what I want, I have to either work for it or find a way to get it. If I don’t make it happen  I have absolutely no right to complain when it doesn’t. I have no one to blame but me. The right time is ALWAYS NOW, it’s time for a change. Granted it’s easier said than done. I’m not saying tomorrow I’ll be a mean, lean executing machine but what I can promise is that I’ll work at it. It’s going to take time and practice. Hopefully as I go along and you if chose to make this change with me we’ll start seeing some massive changes and benefits. Good Luck. Wish me luck too.

Liebster Award

I had no idea this thing existed until I was nominated by The Butterfly Girl. When I started blogging my only goal was to share my thoughts in a public space and I have been able to do that but a bonus came along with this. The bonus is discovering the community of bloggers who have the exact same goal as I do. All of us wanted a platform to share our thoughts, our fears, our failures and our brilliant ideas, a community has sprouted out of this desire and I think it is truly amazing.

Enough lovey dovey stuff, now let’s get down to the award and the rules:

  • Acknowledge the blog that nominated you
  • Answer the 11 questions they asked you
  • Nominate 11 other bloggers with under 200 followers
  • Ask them your 11 questions
  • Let them know you nominated them

When I first learned that I was nominated I was ecstatic to answer these questions and even more excited to ask my own questions and see the answers. Here are the questions I was asked and my answers:

What movie title would describe your blog the most and why?

Hector and the Search for Happiness. This movie is amazing and it describes my life in many ways. Happiness is the ultimate goal and this blog is being used to document my journey towards achieving this goal.

Would you rather travel to the past or the future?

The future because I already know what happened in the past, that’s so boring. I want adventure and new experiences, those can only be found in the future.

What skill would you like to master?

Money management. I see many people around me who remain in horrible conditions simply because they do not know how to manage their money properly. I want to master this skill because I see what non mastery has done to others.

If you would have a chance to spend 5 hours tomorrow with ANYONE in the world (alive) who would it be and what would you be doing in these 5 hours?  

I would love to spend five hours with Tim Ferriss. The man is a walking experiment and I’d be trying some of his many experiments with his guidance.

What is your dream job? 

I have no clue but I hope it involves me being my own boss.

What is your favourite quote?

Honour those who seek the truth beware those who have already found it. -Amanda Fucking Palmer

What was your last travel destination? describe it in a few words.

Dunn’s River Falls, Jamaica. Lots of steps, beautiful and very busy.

In 5 bullet points bullet your day.

  • Meditate
  • Read
  • Listen music
  • Exercise
  • Write

3 best things you did / that happened to you in 2017… go!

Resigned from a job I hated

Dropped out of college

Ended a relationship

Any social media?

Nope.

Name 3 things that are in your “2018 Bucket list”! 

Sky Diving

Learn to swim

Become more independent

Now it’s time for my questions:

  1. What’s the most valuable lesson a parent taught you?
  2. If money wasn’t an issue what would you do in life?
  3. How do you want to be remembered after you die , why is that important to you?
  4. What injustice would you change in the world?
  5. One thing you think about often, almost daily?
  6. If today were your last day on earth what regrets would you have?
  7. How did you feel when you had a big failure in your life?
  8. What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve seen and why was it beautiful to you?
  9. What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?
  10. What is happiness to you?
  11. Three things,people or experiences you are grateful for?

 

The nominating part of this award was the hardest part for me. I wanted to find bloggers whose work I admired and felt some sort of connection to so here goes:

Life of an Introvert-  https://onlinediaryofanintrovert.wordpress.com

The Proud Introvert- https://theproudintrovertblog.wordpress.com

In company of ‘A’- https://incompanyofa.com

Rebellesword’s- https://rebelleswords.com

An Agnostic Menopausal Widow- https://anagnosticmenopausalwidow.com